Rebirth
by Goldilocks 92
Summary: SS/HG, One shot, post war, Severus Snape goes swimming in the lake at night without knowing he is being watched. Perhaps it is time for a new beginning. Warning: beautiful naked Severus in the moonlight!


_I've had different story ideas swimming around my head for ages now, and now I've finally written one down. It's partly inspired by my own recent experience of the joy of swimming in lakes, partly inspired by the beautiful melancholy of the stories by the ff author anne-writes which I've been reading recently. Anyway, I really hope you enjoy reading it and I would love to receive reviews telling me what you thought!_

_..._

As he sliced through the water, Severus Snape reflected on the fact that there was no more pleasurable act than swimming naked in the lake. He had little other pleasures in his life and knew to appreciate what little enjoyment he could squeeze out of the dark world he lived in.

He was not afraid of being seen. The castle was almost empty, aside from the few others who had stayed to help rebuild the ruin which had once seemed so indestructible, formidable in its steadfastedness. It was the middle of the night. The water was pitch black, save for the faint reflection of the moon, half obscured by clouds. Severus could see the glimmers of candles behind a small handful of the castle's windows facing the lake. If any of the inhabitants were to look out, they would only see their own faces reflected back at them.

And so he swam. The feel of water surrounding every inch of him made him feel free. Weightless. The aches and pains of his abused muscles faded as his body was held by the water, almost like the embraces he had always longed for, but never received. The stabbing agony of his still-raw scars was numbed by the coldness of the water. He felt both numb and highly aware of his body. The torture that was his neck wound had receded into nothingness, but he could feel the water caressing his sides, lapping at the nape of his neck, surrounding his cock. It was peaceful, as if he were one with the water, with nature. As he was meant to be, not as the person he had been forced to become.

For a moment, Severus considered letting the water take him, becoming part of it. Permanently. Just to relax and sink down, breathing in the water, allowing it inside of him as well as around him. Sliding into peaceful oblivion. Leaving the world and joining it at the same time.

He turned onto his back, just floating. Looking up at the sky. The clouds had cleared somewhat and the moon was almost full, almost blinding in its intensity. There were stars out too. So many, scattered in every direction. Not twinkling or sparkling or shining. But resting, being, alone yet part of a whole.

Had Severus been able to see himself, he would have seen his wet body fairly glowing in the moonlight, silver in its paleness, so in contrast with the black water surrounding him that it appeared as if he were floating above the surface. His skin looked flawless, washed clean of its imperfections by the light of the moon. His cock rested on his abdomen, its base nestled in hair as black as the surrounding water. He looked serene and peaceful. Ethereal in his beauty.

And unbeknownst to him, someone had seen, a slight figure standing behind an unlit window, alone in an abandoned tower, rendered breathless by her longing.

As he lay on the water, staring up into the sky, which seemed like nothing and everything simultaneously, Severus felt a tremendous peace steal over him. His physical pain numbed, he sensed the inner pain, the pain which had gathered in his chest over the last thirty-eight years to form a tight knot of anguish, unravel and float away. All the rejections, the guilt he had finally repaid, the entrapment he had suffered under his two masters, were released. They left behind a sense of newness, of innocence. As he lay naked, cradled by the vastness and the closeness of the water, Severus Snape was reborn.

The figure at the window, her hands and face now pressed against the glass, a few lone tears making their way down her cheeks unnoticed, gasped as the luminescent vision was torn from her, disappearing completely as if tugged away by an unknown force. Swallowed completely by the blackness of the water which had closed in on the space he had occupied and settling as if he had never been.

She ran.

Severus was being pulled down and down by his left ankle. Something had grabbed him, had pulled him beneath the surface of the water so quickly, he had only registered it as the light of the moon just under the surface of the water had already begun to disappear from his sight. He was suddenly surrounded by blackness and yet still, was being pulled further into the depths.

Two things registered with him at the same time. That this was exactly what he had wished for, just moments previously, and that what was about to happen filled him with an inexpressible horror. He did not just want to fade out of existence as if he had never been. He wanted to find out what his newly acquired freedom felt like. He wanted to know what it was like to be embraced by another human being. He wanted to live.

And as he was dragged down by his ankle, his arms reached towards the surface and he began to kick. And as soon as he began to resist the unknown force, the force which had been granting his previous wish of oblivion, he was released.

As Severus kicked frantically, towards the light of the moon which he could not yet see, towards the life which he could not yet live, the pressure in his lungs began to become unbearable. He did not want to let the water which surrounded him inside of him, and yet the instinct to breath threatened to force him to do so. And still he kicked, feeling as though he was barely moving, unable to track his progress in the never ending blackness surrounding him, and he opened his mouth and took a large breath of water, which did not satisfy but choked, suffocated, and he could feel tears escape his impotent eyes, and still he kicked and there- there was the glimmer of the moon on the surface, he was so close but as he kept on kicking and kept on choking the glimmer would not come any closer and then the glimmer started disappearing as a new kind of blackness descended on his vision and still he kicked and kicked until he almost knew no more-

-something grasped him again and pulled and Severus wanted to struggle again, although he knew he could not, until he realised he had been grasped from above and not below, and that he was being pulled towards the surface and not back into the depths and so he returned the grasp and tried to help, tried to kick, although his legs would barely move-

-and his lungs wanted to try again and he opened his mouth and sucked in more water, but no, it was air, glorious air which was being pulled into his lungs amid the water which had already settled there, and he breathed in air and choked and breathed some more, all the while being pulled by the grasp, where to he did not wonder, he merely breathed and choked and was pulled.

...

Severus did not know how much time had passed before he felt his knees settle onto firm ground. All he knew was the air rushing into his lungs as the water was gradually forced from him and the pressure of a warm hand around his wrist, for a hand it was, and the feel of another, slighter, wrist between his own fingers.

He did not know how he came to be lying on the ground, perhaps he had crawled from the edge of the lake, for all he knew was the feel of another's flesh against his, the feel of arms around him, the feel of hands caressing his chest. The feel of an embrace.

Slowly he became aware of the warmth of a cheek against his shoulder, the trembling of the hands caressing him, the sensation of bent legs cradling his hips, the press of breasts against his back, the feel of long hair not his own winding around his neck, the trickle of warm tears settling in the groove of his collar bone. And finally he could hear, he could hear his name repeated over and over again in soft gasps "Severus Severus Severus"-

-and it was so beautiful to hear his first name spoken aloud, he hadn't heard it spoken in such a long time, it felt like being christened again, and for the first time he loved his name because it was spoken by her and somehow he'd known it was her all along and because any word spoken by her would be beautiful and had been his only other pleasure for a long time and he couldn't stop her name erupting from his mouth like a benediction - "Hermione" - and for the first time he liked his own voice because it had spoken her name and her name would be beautiful no matter who's lips it passed.

She pulled him closer just as he turned his body and then his face was in her neck just as hers was in his and now she was in his arms just as he was in hers and he could barely believe the smoothness of her skin, it was so soft and it glowed in the moonlight and he felt like they were the only people in the whole world, naked and together and unashamed, like the first two people to ever walk the earth.

"You disappeared" she murmured and her voice was soft and anguished and beautiful and relieved, "you were there, floating and beautiful and all I could see, and then you were gone as if you had never been there and I thought I had lost you before I had really found you and I couldn't bear the thought of never seeing you again" and her eyes were looking into his now and they were sad and beautiful, always beautiful, and they were full of tears which only seemed to magnify their beauty and then she leaned forward and up and gently pressed her lips to his temple and one of her tears dropped down onto his forehead, completing his christening and binding him to her, to her divinity.

"I wanted to disappear" he said, and she gasped and he continued, "I wanted to disappear and then I didn't, I didn't want to and I was released and I kicked, I promise, I kicked and kicked and kicked because I didn't want to disappear, I wanted to be free and I wanted to be held and now you're holding me so maybe I'm dead after all, Hermione, but please don't stop holding me" and now his tears were falling too and they were falling onto her chest, and perhaps he was christening her too because her eyes were more alive than he had seen them before.

"Never, Severus" she murmured into his ear, and her words penetrated deep into his soul which felt like it would explode with an unidentifiable surge of what might have been joy or hope or love or perhaps all three, "you're not dead and I will never stop holding you and thank you for kicking and for not disappearing and for living" and she was cradling his head in her hands and then she was pressing her lips against his and they were so warm and so soft and so warm, and then Severus pressed his lips against hers in return and cupped her head in his as if it were the most precious thing he had ever held, and it was the most precious thing he had ever held and would ever hold again, and as she kissed him and as he kissed her, he came to a realisation which forced him to tear his lips from hers, if only for a moment –

And he told her:

"I want to live".


End file.
